Okay, so - this is one of those “taboo” topics; it is always controversial, will always offend and/or piss someone off, and will probably earn yourself a whole lot of judgement from people because you have a different opinion, feeling, and preference.

Now, there is a lot to be said about this particular topic — I could probably write a novel on the psychology aspect of it alone. I’m going to try not to ramble on too much, but I do have some thoughts to share.

There is, without a doubt, a lot of prejudice against bisexual, pansexual, whateversexual, and trans people - especially in the gay community. It is a terrible thing, because we are supposed to be the more open-minded people of society, and the more accepting; there is already enough hate aimed at homosexuals, why add to it in our judgement of others that may identify within our community? Now, with that being said, I think there is also a lot of assumption and lack of communication involved with this: even gay people just may not understand being trans, or bi, so the most effective thing to do is to talk and to educate, where necessary - not jump on the defensive and contribute to the ridiculousness of “lesbian vs. bisexual” etc that so often happens. I will be completely honest, too: I have been guilty of the stigma in the past (not wanting to deal with bisexual girls, etc). There were valid reasons for this, but I’ll get to that later.

 I have either ‘hooked up’ with, casually dated, or seriously dated just about every female in the spectrum (straight, bi, bi-curious, gold star lesbian, not a gold star lesbian, etc), other than trans — and that is not because I have anything against a trans person; I have trans friends and fully support them, but I just happen to be a female who likes female parts. Yes, in an ideal world, ALL people would simply love PEOPLE, just as ALL people would have the same EQUALITY. However, this is not a perfect world, and there are a lot of people who - through the nature of their being - will never be with someone if they do not possess the physical gender that they are attracted to; this goes for some lesbians, some gay men, and even straight people. Not ALL of them, obviously, but I can’t change the fact that I love to eat pussy any more than I can change the fact that I have two eyes and a nose. It simply is what it is for me — always has been and always will be. Some of you will argue against that, because other people before you already have: never say never, sexuality is fluid, other females who identified as lesbian have ended up with men, blah blah blah. I can’t predict my future and I certainly don’t know where my life will lead, but I am certain women will always be my companion. I don’t have to explain, defend, or justify this to anyone, especially people who march for bisexuality and the fluidity of sexuality: I just know, the way that you know you like Chinese food or the way that you know you want to turn your passion into a career because it makes you happy. We’re not discussing my sexuality, though, or my identity.

With all of that being said, I think that it is often difficult for some (not all) lesbians to date bi women because of some of the struggles we face. Yes, bisexuals face a lot of adversity, too, especially in the case of lesbians not wanting to date them because of their bisexuality, and what have you. However, there is still some sense of “normalcy” for a bisexual woman — if you date a man, you will have every privilege a gay person is denied. This may cause SOME, not ALL, gay women to feel resentful, even cheated. It may not even be a feeling based on your sexuality, but rather how unfair it is that - although you identify in the LGBT community - you still get more equality than the majority. I have never personally felt this way, but I can understand if someone else did. There are, of course, the obvious reasons as to why lesbians do not prefer to date bisexual women, as well: the fear and paranoia of being left for a man, that you’d get bored and switch teams, that you’re just curious, that you are actually straight and just want to gain attention, et cetera et cetera.

For me, personally, having gone through a lot of unfavorable experiences with girls and in relationships, I don’t have very many rules in regards to who I date, but of course there are always preferences (even if you lie and say you have none, or don’t have a ‘taste’ - something always catches your eye). I have learned a lot in relationships and about myself, therefore I am pretty open to most ideas, but I would definitely say that I lean toward full lesbian women over bisexuals. Why? Like the original post above, I am extremely gay, and I would prefer it if my woman was, as well. I have no problem admitting a man is attractive, but they do nothing for me physically, and I think it would be odd to be in a serious relationship with another woman who does get off with/on men - and, sure, this could pose a double standard because there are plenty of lesbians who like to use strap-ons, but I think that toys are another subject matter entirely. Let it be known that although my preference is for genuine lesbians, just as I prefer feminine women, that does not mean I would never consider pursuing a bisexual or ‘stud’: if the chemistry and attraction is there, it will happen. If I marry a bisexual woman, then so be it.

My most recent ex said something that really stuck with me, and I haven’t decided if she said it out of ignorance/judgement or if it was just because she is straight, but she made the comment to me once that “being gay is important to you, not to me.” The context this was said in can lead to several debates, as well as her following comments, but I think it was said because she: a) knew she wasn’t gay, and/or b) because we always argued over why she refused to say that she was, if she “didn’t like sex with men.” (and for me, it wasn’t about a label, it was about emotional security). I didn’t know how to respond to it at the time it was said, and still have some trouble formulating an appropriate response. What does it even mean? To someone who isn’t gay, it could mean that I put value into things like: gay pride, lesbian nightclub events, gay rights, whatever. However… I am gay, and I don’t see these things as “gay importance” - I see them as human importance. I am a lesbian, but before I knew I was, I was just human; I am still human.

I realize this has turned into a tangent, and I may not have actually made any sense at all. This kind of a topic is always hard to explain properly, but if you have any questions or input, feel free to say so.